Suggestions for a better Australia.

1. Enough with baby bonuses and paid parental leave. I choose not to have a baby, and instead to take paid awesome leave. It entitles me to two years pay in return for retiring from the workforce to be awesome. Alternatively, I could claim the awesome bonus - a one off payment for everytime I'm awesome.

2. I know we all love to embrace our inner bogan, but is it too much to ask that journalists and editors refrain from using the following terms: Libs, firies, ambos, Aussie mums, Gen, any contraction relating to the relationship between two famous people I don't give a shit about, romp, using the word 'crisis' in regards to any rugby league related issue, tweet.

3. Shoot Miranda Devine.

And while I'm at it part 2.

I would also like to mention that I love the current opinion polls coming out of Australia. The government would lose, but no one wants that guy that looks like a plucked chicken to become Prime Minister. Have we all finally realised that the choice between one asshole and another asshole is, in fact, not a choice at all?

I don't know anything about anarchism, but it's looking pretty good right now.

And while I'm at it.

IT'S HEAR, HEAR - NOT HERE, HERE RETARDS.

NEWS FLASH! PEOPLE ACT LIKE JERKS!

Some shit happened with a ship and a bunch of paratroopers, and I have nothing to say about any of it cause the continual disobedeince of the laws enforced on the people of a nation by the goverments that impose them* is completely unsurprising.

BUT. Once again hilarity ensues. You can't make this shit up. Like the Israelis who sailed to Cyprus after the first ship incident to protest, oh, everything they see wrong with past and present Turkish governments. Its awesome. Like an argument between two 7 year olds:

Mehmet Turk: You guys are assholes to Palestinians!

Elias Israel: Yeah? Well you guys killed Armenians and you are still assholes to Kurds!

Mehmet Turk: Yeah? Yeah? Well you guys killed Jesus!

And so on.

And may I make special mention of Ali Shiraz (Khomenei's representative inside the national guard), who brought tears to my eyes with this gem:

"Iran's navy forces are ready to escort the peace flotilla to Gaza with all their forces and capabilities."

Yeah. And I'm willing to supply a flotilla of protesting vegans with lambswool sweaters and a flock of genetically modified battery hens to ride on. I think he's missing the point.

Thankyou world for the laughs this week, its been awesome.


*And I'm talking about ALL nations here. Except maybe St Kitts & Nevis. I don't know much about them.