I love the ninemsn headlines.

"Fox attacked by cat - former popstar in feral animal rabies scare"

Seriously, some of the shit that comes up there when I check hotmail is worthy of a Nobel Prize for Awesomeness.

Suggestions for a better Australia.

1. Enough with baby bonuses and paid parental leave. I choose not to have a baby, and instead to take paid awesome leave. It entitles me to two years pay in return for retiring from the workforce to be awesome. Alternatively, I could claim the awesome bonus - a one off payment for everytime I'm awesome.

2. I know we all love to embrace our inner bogan, but is it too much to ask that journalists and editors refrain from using the following terms: Libs, firies, ambos, Aussie mums, Gen, any contraction relating to the relationship between two famous people I don't give a shit about, romp, using the word 'crisis' in regards to any rugby league related issue, tweet.

3. Shoot Miranda Devine.

And while I'm at it part 2.

I would also like to mention that I love the current opinion polls coming out of Australia. The government would lose, but no one wants that guy that looks like a plucked chicken to become Prime Minister. Have we all finally realised that the choice between one asshole and another asshole is, in fact, not a choice at all?

I don't know anything about anarchism, but it's looking pretty good right now.

And while I'm at it.

IT'S HEAR, HEAR - NOT HERE, HERE RETARDS.

NEWS FLASH! PEOPLE ACT LIKE JERKS!

Some shit happened with a ship and a bunch of paratroopers, and I have nothing to say about any of it cause the continual disobedeince of the laws enforced on the people of a nation by the goverments that impose them* is completely unsurprising.

BUT. Once again hilarity ensues. You can't make this shit up. Like the Israelis who sailed to Cyprus after the first ship incident to protest, oh, everything they see wrong with past and present Turkish governments. Its awesome. Like an argument between two 7 year olds:

Mehmet Turk: You guys are assholes to Palestinians!

Elias Israel: Yeah? Well you guys killed Armenians and you are still assholes to Kurds!

Mehmet Turk: Yeah? Yeah? Well you guys killed Jesus!

And so on.

And may I make special mention of Ali Shiraz (Khomenei's representative inside the national guard), who brought tears to my eyes with this gem:

"Iran's navy forces are ready to escort the peace flotilla to Gaza with all their forces and capabilities."

Yeah. And I'm willing to supply a flotilla of protesting vegans with lambswool sweaters and a flock of genetically modified battery hens to ride on. I think he's missing the point.

Thankyou world for the laughs this week, its been awesome.


*And I'm talking about ALL nations here. Except maybe St Kitts & Nevis. I don't know much about them.

Art/grafitti blah blah

Charles Purcell had a big whinge about Banksy in the paper today:

http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/hey-banksy-graffiti-is-vandalism-not-art-20100504-u69x.html

I'm not going to comment on what he said cause I don't care, and he's an old bored dude with nothing else to whinge about, but I do want to highlight on the excellent reply left by Margaret Roller in the reader's comments bit:

Here here Charles, I say that we go one step further and castrate all teenagers who are caught grafitting our fair city. This would ensure that they can never breed children who grow up in a society where painting on walls is considered acceptable. 


Leaving aside the fact that that only teenagers would be punished by castration in grafitti related offences, I fully support the removal of balls and ovaries as a new punishment in NSW. Lets not limit it to grafitti. Commit fraud under the Corporations Act? That will be one left testicle Mr Brownley. Failure to hold a current licence under the Explosives Act (which I recently discovered the existence of - also awesome)? That'll be both ovaries. I comepletely agree with you Ms Roller - let's have less creativity on the streets and more creativity in  punishment. Here here indeed.

Ne işin fln part 2

  

Just to recap: Ankara - dry, ugly, bureuacratic.

And so, friends,  why?

Firstly, its a little known fact that every Monday in Ankara the local councils give EVERYONE IN THE CİTY 500 LİRA. On the first Tuesday of the month, its free beer at all restaurants and bars. Transport is free, and all the taps in houses have 3 settings: water, beer and ice tea. If you want to go on holiday from Ankara, you are provided with a free bus ticket to your chosen location and will be directed to a house where you can stay, no payment, at your leisure. There is a city wide law that no one is allowed to be an asshole. Seriously - you can get fined 1000 lira on the spot for being an asshole.

OK, some or all of that may have been a total lie. I stay here cause I like it. I like the weird and funny people I meet. The food is good. Its small. Living in such a shit city, no one takes themselves too seriously. And in spring, when the trees and flowers are in bloom, its not so ugly after all.